To Melbourne, with love.

I'm back in Melbourne yet again.
I can't begin to express my love for this city.
Somehow, everything about Melbourne fits me.
The people, the lifestyle, the weather (because it's as temperamental as I am!), everything!

I'd say that this is the place where life truly started for me.
This is where I built my life around myself and actually grew out of my comfort zone.

The last four years, I learned that I was capable of being independent - cook, laundry, set up bank/phone accounts, settle my own accommodation, basically everything was no longer spoon fed like it had always been the rest of my life before that.
Being away from home automatically throws you into a position where you have to take charge of your own life.
You either do or die.
And that's really the way I like it.

And now, I have decided to let go of this life that I've gotten so accustomed to.
Not because I want to, but because I have to, or rather, because I should.

But along with that, I am giving up everything that I ever planned for.
Starting a job here, raising my kids here, bringing my parents over eventually.
Well, from what I've learned over the years, plans never work, so now, I shall just go with the flow.
As hard as it is to let go of this life, it's all for the best.

I am moving back to Malaysia.
Suddenly, saying that aloud made this all seem so real.

And I keep reminding myself not to fall too in love with this city this time around.
You know how it is, the more you love something/someone, the harder it is to let go.

KL, along with all its goodness is awaiting me and I will be better off there.
So, I guess I gotta brainwash myself to embrace that decision, something that I've been trying to do all along.
That KL is a better place for me and for everyone.
As hard as it is to do this, I gotta do what I have to, yes?

All I need is just the assurance that this is indeed a very good decision made.
At this point, I am still uncertain.
But fingers crossed, it will all work out!
It might even be a blessing in disguise, who knows?

Well, on the brighter side, here's a chance to start over.

Girlfriends

Girlfriends.

Can't live without them.

They laugh with you.
They cry with you.
They rejoice with you.
They shoulder your pain.
They listen to your endless whim and whimper.
They know when to say what they should say.
They love you unconditionally.
They stand by you.
They never turn you away.
They make time for you.
They are always a phone call away.
They are your pillars of strength.

Most importantly, they love you.
Just as much as you love them.

And girlfriends definitely beat boyfriends.
They UNDERSTAND you!

And, they are the reasons I am still standing today.
If there's one thing you need to surround yourself with, it's your girlfriends.
It doesn't matter whether you've just gotten a new boyfriend, or you're too busy with work, or you have a hectic schedule, whatever, you gotta make time for them!


I love you girls!

Hazel, Mei, Me, Chelle

Roomie Elaine!

Faye, Sarah, Leen, Me

Sweetest Ally

Jessie, Me, Kathryn, Jasmine

Of course, my darlingest of all darlings, Mei!

Miss Esther Lauderlyn!

Melissa! ;)
Serena
Homie Sue
UL girls - Rachel, Ai Ling, See May
Mayn
Summer friends - Chiew Jeat and Doris

Trinity gang - Cheryl, Me, Kim, Mei Jing

Also two other special girlfriends of mine.
Ivy and Pearly!
I somehow can't trace any photos of us together.
Make sure we take more k!

You girls have very special places in my heart.
Doesn't matter what the circumstances are, I am forever grateful for your friendship!

...

The closest thing to crazy is the thought in my head that everything will be fine between you and me, although, I know deep down that things will never be the same again because I have disappointed you once upon a time, and because, somewhere in you, you will never find the heart to love me again, like you once did.

The four people I met in heaven

Sometimes, all you need is for someone to reassure you that you made the right decision, the best decision based on your own circumstances.

Sometimes, all you need is for someone to point out to you how you could go in the direction of your heart's true desire.

Sometimes, all you need is for someone to show you that you are not the only person suffering pain and anguish.

Sometimes, all you need is for someone to show you that there is hope.

And when all else fails, you need someone to tell you that everything will be alright.

And in just seven days, I met four people who did just that for me.
People whom I never thought would have made such an impact on my life.
People whom I was never close to before.
People who changed me for the better.
People whom I believe God presented in my life, as random as it may sound, to teach me certain lessons that I needed to learn.
They may not realise it, but they brought me out of the valley that I've been stuck in for a while now.
And now, I'm continuing my climb up the mountain.
Because, like they say, when you're at the lowest point in your life, the only direction you can go is upwards.

And a huge thank you goes out to the four people I "met in heaven".
Jian Wen, Kingsley, Victor, Melissa.

Mel, it was GREAT meeting you today! <3

Regina Brett's 45 life lessons and 5 to grow on

Received this in my mailbox quite some time back from a dear friend all the way in HK.

But when I saw the title, I knew I needed time to read this one, so I kept putting off reading this mail.

Little did I know, this e-mail would change my whole perspective on everything I'm going through right now.

I read it a little over 15 minutes ago, and I can feel the positive energy beating already.

Well, I've read this before awhile ago, but the message did not quite hit me then as it did this time.

Maybe, in the past month, I matured a whole lot and I can finally understand and relate to everything a little bit more?

I dunno, but all I know is that I need to share this one with you guys!

At the end of it all, you're gonna thank me for posting this up ;)

1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.

2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.

3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.

4. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

5. Pay off your credit cards every month.

6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.

8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.

9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.

10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.

11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.

12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.

13. Don't compare your life to others'. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.

15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.

16. Life is too short for long pity parties. Get busy living, or get busy dying.

17. You can get through anything if you stay put in today.

18. A writer writes. If you want to be a writer, write.

19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.

20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.

21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.

22. Overprepare, then go with the flow.

23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.

24. The most important sex organ is the brain.

25. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.

26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words: "In five years, will this matter?"

27. Always choose life.

28. Forgive everyone everything.

29. What other people think of you is none of your business.

30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.

31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

32. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.

33. Believe in miracles.

34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.

35. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.

36. Growing old beats the alternative - dying young.

37. Your children get only one childhood. Make it memorable.

38. Read the Psalms. They cover every human emotion.

39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.

40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.

41. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.

42. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.

43. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.

44. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.

45. The best is yet to come.

46. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

47. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.

48. If you don't ask, you don't get.

49. Yield.

50. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift.

Current tune: Parachute - She Is Love

:)

Kelly Clarkson - Already Gone

Remember all the things we wanted
Now all our memories, they're haunted
We were always meant to say goodbye
Even with our fists held high
It never would have work out right, yeah
We were never meant for do or die
I didn't want us to burn out
I didn't come here to hurt you now I can't stop

I want you to know
That it doesn't matter
Where we take this road
But someone's gotta go
And I want you to know
You couldn't have loved me better
But I want you to move on
So I'm already gone

Looking at you makes it harder
But I know that you'll find another
That doesn't always make you wanna cry
It started with the perfect kiss then
We could feel the poison set in
"Perfect" couldn't keep this love alive
You know that I love you so
I love you enough to let you go

You can't make it feel right
When you know that it's wrong
I'm already gone, already gone
There's no moving on
So I'm already gone
Ahhh already gone, already gone, already gone
Ahhh already gone, already gone, already gone

Remember all the tings we wanted
Now all our memories, they're haunted
We were always meant to say goodbye

You can't make it feel right
When you know that it's wrong
I'm already gone, already gone
There's no moving on
So I'm already gone

Current tune: Kelly Clarkson - Already Gone

France Day 1 & 2: Paris

I've been meaning to post up the pictures of my trip to France in July for the longest time ever.

But I haven't gotten hold of the ones from my cousins' cameras yet 'cos they live in Singapore and I haven't had the chance to meet them.

I actually wanted to only post up pics from my cousins' DSLRs (because they all look so much nicer) but I finally decided that hey, to make it easier for myself, I should just use the photos that I took myself!

So, please pardon my picture taking skills, the not very good quality pictures taken with my Sony T2 (I still want a DSLR!), and also, the bad angling of the shots.

I was going through a phase where I thought photos taken at random crooked angles were nice.

Not so nice now huh? I'm having such a hard time tilting my head to look at them grr...

So here goes, what little of the normal angled photos that I have of France.

I'm pathetic.

Landed in Paris in the wee hours of the morning on the 3rd of July.

That's our flight, the Airbus 380.

In my opinion, Airbus owns Boeing. Everything just looks nicer & I loved the upper deck :)

Arc De Triomphe, a famous landmark which was five minutes away from our hotel.

It's located right at Champs-Elysees.

The streets of Paris.

Almost all the roundabouts have little fountains in the middle.

At breakfast with the entire family :)

Do I bear any resemblance to mum at all?

Off we went on our tour around the famous landmarks of Paris on a bus like that.

Sat on the rooftop with my cousins, just so that I could get a tan.

And sadly, all I got was a sunburn and fever that evening.

Silly things I do.

With Erin on the rooftop bus.

We have so many shots together.

Put cameras and girls together, you only get one thing, no?

That's cousin Wei Seng.

This was pretty much what my cousins were all doing the whole holiday.

And the pictures they produced were so beautiful!

I'll upload some here when I get hold of them.

The Eiffel Tower.

I actually have the beautiful night shots of the tower which I took with my Canon Ixus 70, but I cleverly saved the pictures in my Macbook, and my Macbook is currently back in Melbourne.

Paris is really beautiful, no wonder it's dubbed the most romantic city in the world.

At some cathedral which I didn't pay much attention to because I ran off really quickly to Zara across the street.

That was my fastest shopping spree ever.

I bought four jackets, one cardigan, a bag, two shorts, a shirt, a skirt, a scarf and accessories in the record time of 8 minutes, plus another 5 minutes spent queuing to pay.

Reason I know is because I timed myself, and had to be fast if I did not want them to wait.

Somehow shopping feels so cheap in Europe!

Oh btw, notice the height difference between Mum & I?

We were both wearing flats, and well, she really is "that" short ;)

The Notre Dame which I skipped because I wanted to go shopping :)

They were preparing the streets for the Tour de France.

The Louvre

View of the Louvre from the inside, where you queue to get tickets.

So, my really tragic story is that this photo of Mona Lisa was taken from the far right side of the barricade which they set up to prevent people from getting closer than about 3 metres to the Mona Lisa painting.

When I got to the centre, which would have allowed me to get a perfect frontal shot of it, my camera happily died on me.

Oh I will never forgive the camera for doing that to me!

So anyway, more photos up soon! :)

Being a Libran

Oh please, when will my life go back to normal again?

Then again, what is normal?

Living in Melbourne, being a bum, spending money, zero income?

Was walking the dog with Uncle Charles today around Bukit Jelutong, and we had a chat.

He was advising me not to give up on my TR application because my PR would be really useful in the future.

Now that he talked so much sense into me, I feel like I shouldn't let go.

But...dad is sick, and I want to be able to spend more time and be around for them.

So, what would anyone do if they were in my position?

Pack up and start a whole new life back in Malaysia, especially since I already got an attractive job offer.

Or, stay on in Melbourne, struggle to get a job, yet once secured, you get a high pay and you do not stress much, which leads to a better lifestyle and lessen the chances of me getting cancer in the future although it's already in my DNA, I think?

I hate making decisions.

I think this is part of being a Libran.

Librans are undecisive, and that's so me!

This is what happened

I left Melbourne more than three weeks ago, with a slightly heavy heart.

So much has changed since that day, 11th of September.

As soon as I touched down in Singapore, I was greeted by my aunt and cousin at Changi airport.

Also bumped into a friend from Melbourne, Keith, who was there to pick his sister up.

Once we were in the car, I got news that dad's cancer was really aggressive.

When we reached cousin's home in Eunos, we managed to surprise Dad and he was indeed really pleased to see me.

I keep replaying that scene over and over in my head, him lying on the sofa watching tv, turning around to greet the supposed "visitor", and he turned away without expectations, then did a double take, and could not believe it was me standing 10 feet away from him.

There I was, honestly in disbelief at my dad's newly shaven bald head.

But part of me, that selfish part of me, actually felt glad that I did not have to witness his hair falling off in clumps and him going through his previous two chemotherapy sessions, because it would have been awfully hard.

The next day, we left for KL because dad was feeling really home sick after being away from home for close to a month.

He was in and out of hospitals for most of July till that period, and only then did his condition stabilise.

Flying from Singapore to KL would have been the best option as it's only a 55 minutes flight, had it not been for H1N1.

As such, we had to endure the five hour long car ride back to our home in USJ.

It was tough because dad could not drive due to his illness, so mum had to drive for most of the journey.

While I took over for the last two hours, constantly relying on the GPS to get me home because it was my first time driving long distance.

Glad to say that I got us all home safely.

Soon after we arrived home, dad complained of pains in his abdomen.

And there, the drama all began...

To be continued...

P.s. I bought my flight ticket back to Melbourne. November 8th it is! :)

The story about my birth

I know I have to blog this entry just to get this date on my blog.

Monday, 5th of October, 2009

22 years ago, Mum gave birth to me on this date, which also was a Monday.

The reason I remember it is because mum has been repeating the story about "the night before and the day of" my birth to me all my life.

She'd tell me that on that fateful Sunday, luck would have it that my parents would be having dinner with dad's parents, and they were all discussing about this little baby which was due in about three weeks (yeah, I was born prematurely and I guess my impatience now has got everything to do with mum's early delivery. Sorry mummy!).

My late grandfather was almost certain that this little baby growing inside Mummy's womb was a baby boy.

He claimed that he could tell by the shape of Mummy's belly (hehe...my Ye Ye was funny like that!).

At that time, my grandparents were really excited about the prospect of another grandchild because the last time they received a newborn grandchild was nine years prior to my birth.

By the time mum was pregnant with me, cousin Kenny was already a nine year old brat who would jump up and down like a crazy monkey.

Mum said that giving birth to me was really easy.

It took her only about three hours from the first sign of the pain (if I'm not mistaken), and I think she has to thank my impatience for that.

I mean, if I were a baby, I can't be stuffed getting myself stuck inside for what, fifteen hours just to get out into the world right?

If you're a smart foetus like me, you too, would want to shoot right out as soon as you can, no?

*update: I asked Mum and she said I came out two hours after the pain started and around 30 minutes after the waterbag burst. She said it's fast and not too painful because she exercised alot*

So anyway, out I came into the world that Monday morning, weighing only 2.55 kgs, and I had to be incubated for a few days because I was a "yellow baby" and I had to be watched carefully for being underweight.

Oh, may I add too that I was a really ugly baby.

Cute was the last word on anybody's mind when they saw me.

Hey, my own parents actually said that I looked like a lizard cos my tongue was always sticking out, so yeah.

I ought to be used to being called ugly by now. Bleh.

But they did say that I got cuter once I passed the baby stage.

But being the only child, and the youngest grandchild in the family for the next nine years probably did me some good and earned me lots of love and attention from everyone without me having to be cute haha...not that I am attention-seeking ok?

And growing up without any siblings or cousins around my age definitely made me mature really fast because most of the time, I would be hanging out with people twice or thrice my age.

When I should have been playing with barbie dolls, my cousins were all into makeup and nice dresses.

So, maybe this is why I started dressing maturely at a young age (thanks to the female cousins) and enjoy shopping for technology gadgets (thanks to the male cousins).

But I did have my neighbours to hang out with back in the days.

There were Justin, Amanda, Melody, Michelle, and Melissa.

And of course, their younger siblings Moses and Sarah that came out much later.

And that was between two other families.

The Oei family with four children and the Liau family with three.

I was the lonely odd one out, le sigh.

Well, Dad did do his best by always organising nice parties for me, and also taking all us kids for Christmas parties at the golf club.

Of course, today I look back without regrets but back then, I used to think it was miserable being the only child.

Now, I look at China's one-child policy and can't help thinking that, hey, there are many many other single children around the world, so shut up and get over it!

Anyway, happy birthday to me!

And, on my birthday, I should give thanks to my three makers.

God. Dad. Mum.

Without you all, I would not be here today.

So, thank you for your sacrifices, your love, and your guidance, without which, I would be a lost soul today.

And yesterday was my very own daughter's birthday too!

Brinjal turned one and I wasn't there to celebrate with her, sorry baby.

Mummy loves you, little bunny and I'll bring back lots of presents for you ok?

*hugs and kisses*

And here are some photos of my little one, courtesy of her Aunty Leen.

*sayangs*

Oh and my birthday wish came true.

Today, daddy's team of six doctors have finally given him the green light to be discharged.

We'll be kissing Sunway Medical Centre goodbye really soon!

My best birthday yet!